Saturday, July 18, 2009

Up and down

Yesterday I only had to drive bus in the morning. So I was all done by 9:30, but had the dreaded annual company physical at 10. Dragged ShaoXi along with me, then did something I seldom do...I took her (and myself) to a movie. "UP" was great...and had a great message...don't waste your life! DO something. Make it count. Have fun. LIVE!

Today...not so good. I got mad at ShaoXi. She truly IS the best kid I've ever known. But she's a kid. And I was telling her something, and each time I said something, she had a rebuttal. I finally lost it and screamed at her to go to her room! She stood there, so I jumped up, still screaming, and got in her face. She went to her room. And to her credit, she did not slam the door. I finally went to my room, UNDRESSED (we were supposed to be going to a party) and crawled into bed. After awhile she came in. This child humbles me. She came in and asked sweetly if I was okay, put her arms around me and hugged me, brushed the hair from my face, told me she loved me, and that I was the best mother ever. Humbled. Wasn't I supposed to be the one that went to her? She is SOOOO the better person than I am!!!!! Humbled.

Anyhow. We talked, we hugged, we snuggled, we went to Wendy's for lunch, and now she is at a friend's for a birthday sleepover party. She didn't want to leave me. She said that in 5 years she will be leaving for college, and so she doesn't want to leave me NOW. Sweet, funny girl. She is molding me into a better person. I know why God chose her for me...He wanted her to make me more like Him...more like her. I have much to learn, but I am thankful for the angel He saw fit to entrust to my care.

I think I am stressed about life right now. And it all coils around inside me until I lose it. Not pretty. Not nice. Not good parenting. But that's the reality of my life at the moment. I am not doing very good at trusting God to supply what seem to be mountainous needs in our lives. And yet, has He NOT been supplying for the past 6 years, since I lost my "real" job? When am I going to learn this lesson? When will I NOT let Satan push me around?

Hope things are on a more even keel for you. I have a life preserver on, so don't worry, in the long I am going to be fine. Never thought of my Jesus as a life preserver before...makes me smile. How do people get through life without His love to sustain them? Beats me!


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