Saturday, October 31, 2009

So, here's the thing

...I wish I had a whole bunch of really, really, really wealthy friends. Cuz here's what I would ask of them: Please apply to adopt a baby/child from China, from Uganda, from Ethiopia...who cares? Please bring me WITH you when you go to collect said child. And when we all get home? Please just give me that precious life to raise as my own. You see, it would be NOTHING to you to put out the money. And besides a trip to wherever, you'd be off the hook. Because I would give just about ANYTHING to be able to bring more children home and love on them. I would be SO happy to have another child. But I can't. By many I'm considered some or all of these things: too old, too poor, too heavy, too "single". How sad. How very sad that my arms ache to hold a tiny little one, and there are MILLIONS of them out there who long for arms just like mine...and we are separated by what seems a world of difference...or is that indifference?

If you are a lover of God, of Jesus, then I don't know how you can ignore him when He said the TRUE religion is to care for the widows (which I take to mean all single women trying to make it on their own in this world!) and orphans. Yeah, I know...I'm likely preaching to the choir here.
But oh, it hurts to want something SO badly and know it won't happen. I have often wished there were a way to place a large neon like sign in the sky over my place, saying "Feel free to leave your unwanted baby here!" So many little ones in need of a mama.

Okay...just had to get that off my chest. I am in a melancholy mood tonight...a dear friend lost her battle with cancer yesterday, and I can't IMAGINE the world going on without her. She was SUCH a great person...witty, kind, loving, generous, SOOO funny, bright...oh, I could go on and on. I will miss you Carol, and you have given me one more reason to not fear death, but to step through into the other side of eternity, and give you a hug!


Saturday, October 24, 2009


So...I did not get the nanny job. I think I am numb. Or maybe I am just trusting God...cuz while I am disappointed, I am not overwhelmingly so. And as in every situation, there is a silver lining...Shao's godmother just told me that at least we now did not have to worry about us coming to FL in the spring. Her husband wants to fly us down to visit. So...yep, we can do that. I won't have a new job to worry about. FL in April is very nice...we were there once before. Not TOO hot, but plenty warm enough to swim...and need a/c! :) So that's something to look forward to, at least. But I am still sad. I do, however, know that I have a Heavenly Father who only wants good for fact, He wants the BEST for me. So I rest in that, trusting that He will continue to provide.


Friday, October 23, 2009

Nanny update

Nothing. I've heard nothing. This is torture. This is SUCH a perfect job for me, and I am so very, very good at raising kids! I would be SOOOO wonderful for them, and they for me! But it is not my decision. And in truth, it is not THEIRS, fully, either. Whether they know it or not, it is really in God's trustworty Hands. And while my heart and soul know that He ALWAYS wants the greatest good for me, I long for this job. I have to continually rein ME back, and ask HIM to lead. It is hard. It is maybe one of the hardest times ever. Except the wait for referral for my own precious baby. Oh, now THAT was agony! And I don't envy those waiting NOW...3 or more YEARS wait! Although the prize at the end? OH MY, worth 10 times that wait!

So...I wait. I can only imagine I will hear within the next two days. Meanwhile, I will continue to pray for God's guidance and wisdom, and for His will to be done, not mine, not even theirs. He knows, cares, and loves me, and I can trust Him to keep me.


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Nanny saga continued

Got an email last night entitled: From Christine and the boys. Basically it was saying she hadn't had a chance yet to check references, time gets away from her each night, but she definitely will get to it and be in contact by the end of the week. news is good news. I had sent a "thank you" email on Sunday night, thanking them for "sharing the babies" with me for an hour, basically telling them how nice it was to meet them. Keep praying! I am trying desperately to not get my hopes up, but also to not despair. TRYING to rest in Him, who has my greater good in mind ALWAYS! My frail human mind still tries to grasp at straws, but God knows, loves, cares and provides for me, His beloved child. Thank You, Lord!


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

12 Years Ago! THE CALL!!!!!!!!

12 years ago today I arrived at work and soon picked up the phone to call my adoption agency. I was feeling somewhat down, having spent the previous day with friends who got on the subject of my adoption, and kept saying things like, "Are you sure this is legit? Maybe they took your money and ran!" Since I personally knew and attended church with the local reps from the agency, I knew that was not the case. But still...what was to have been a 4-6 month wait was now nearing 10, and I was weary. I left a rather whiney message on Jim & Marie's answering machine, something to the effect of "Hi, Marie, this is Nancy. Could you call me? I'm just feeling a little crazy."

About 45 min. later I received THE CALL. Such a funny series of coincidences! First, Jim had installed a new answering machine in the basement office, and had forgotten to turn the ringer back on. So while Marie was HOME, she did not know the phone had rung. Meanwhile, Caroline from Children's Hope had ALSO called her and left a message saying "Hi, Marie, we have a referral for one of your families, Nancy Johnson. Alright, well I guess I will call her, she's waited SO long!" Marie, headed through the office to the laundry room, noticed the blinking lights on the machine, and checked the messages. She frantically called me back.

When I answered my phone, Marie sounded really strange...very hesitant. She did not know if Caroline had called me yet. She desperately wanted to be the one to give me the good news. So when I just began to whine to her, she interrupted me and said "Nancy, I have good news for you today." I replied, "What?" Marie repeated herself, and I repeated, "What?!?" She then said "I have good news. Don't go anywhere. I have to call St. Louis (HQ) and I will call you right back!"

Now remember, I was at work. I was standing up by this time, and my friend Anita thought it was bad news, as I was shaking uncontrollably, turning red, then white, and crying. I couldn't talk well, and when I finally managed to convey the message, my whole team at work was electrified. A few minutes (I am SURE it was HOURS and HOURS!) Marie called me. I had a precious 14 mo. old daughter waiting for me in ShaoYang, Hunan Province, China. She was healthy and her name Shao Xi meant "doubly happy." For about 10 seconds I was sad that I had missed so much of her life, but then I just didn't care because she was MINE!!!

Later on that day Caroline faxed me over a picture of her. It is on my sidebar, and I am sure you will agree that there was nothing else for me to do but fall deeply, madly in love with my child.

I am thankful today for all of God's miracles, but most especially thankful that He chose this child for me. She is a blessing beyond compare and the very best part of my life. TWELVE YEARS...doesn't seem possible! TWELVE WONDERFUL YEARS!


Sunday, October 18, 2009

Nanny job update!

I went to meet the babies today, and their Dad, not to mention Jake & Rudy, their two rescued Labs (from Hurricane Katrina). Nicest people in the world. LOVED, LOVED, LOVED the boys! Robbie was getting a bottle when I arrived, and Eli was sleeping. I got to play with Robbie, who has the GREATEST belly laugh and giggles constantly! Then Eli woke up, and he was a bit quieter, but such a sweet smile. I was there about an hour, and had a blast. I feel very good about the interview, and should hear back in a few days, I guess. They are going to check references, etc. I am cautiously hopeful. And in prayer. As I drove home I prayed for them to come to the right decision for their family, WHATEVER that might be, because I would be heartbroken if they DIDN'T pick me, and their choice wound up hurting the babies. It happens, and it is horrific. But I KNOW it can happen, and I cannot IMAGINE these precious little guys being anything but loved to bits! Oh, they are SOOOO stinkin' cute!


Friday, October 16, 2009

Only God!

Listen to this story. I think it is unbelievable. I mentioned before that my sister's home of 20 yrs is in foreclosure. She tried to work things out with the bank, under the new Obama deal, but no go. Her debt ratio is just too high. So they have been cleaning out and sorting 20 years worth of stuff. The other day they put two riding mowers out in front, with for sale signs on them. A young teenage boy stopped by, and my sister and her boyfriend were very impressed with him. In passing, they asked him what his dad did for a job. His answer? "Oh, he owns a gold mine." WHAT?? That's kind of bizarre here in New England! So...Frankie wants to buy one of the mowers. He rides his bike back home and comes back with his Dad. And my sister gets to talking with him, and he asks her why she's moving. She tells him, and he says something to the effect that he may be able to help her out. The idea is that he will make a lowball offer, get a no money down mortgage, my sister will pay the mortgage and all upkeep, and in two years she will buy the house back from him, and pay him $10,000 above the mortgage cost, as his return on investment. Cool. Only God. It isn't a done deal, but it is pretty miraculous, even so. Please pray. She REALLY doesn't want to move. She LOVES her home, it is a 1850's farmhouse. It needs work, but they keep plugging away at it, room by room. It is so charming, and has a terrific yard...very park like. Oh, by the way...the Goldmine is out west somewhere! :)


Thursday, October 15, 2009

Nanny Update!!!

OO...OOO..OOOO! I just got an email from Christene that she would like to have me come up and meet her husband and the babes this weekend! This is encouraging, to say the least!!!!!!!!
KEEP PRAYING, PLEEEEEEASE! I do so want this job! And I figured out I would be making TWICE what I make now. That is HUGE! So huge, I can't wrap my mind around it! :)

I'll keep you informed! Okay, back to your regular broadcasts!!! :)


Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Nanny Job Front

So, on Monday morning I had a face to face interview with Christene, mama to the babies. I think it went REALLY well. I liked her SOOO much. Hopefully it was reciprocal! She is an asst. principal in a Jr. High. Very down to earth. I told her that even if she found someone that she felt was a better fit, I would be delighted to babysit any time they needed a sitter. Anyhow, she will let everyone know by the end of the week who has "made it into the finals." She told me she had over 30 applicants, but narrowed it down to about 6, of which I was one. So now she's going to narrow the field down some more, and then have people come to the house to meet her husband and the babies. IF you pass that muster, then you will come for a weekend day, and spend the day with them, learning the schedule, etc.

I found out that the boys have been in daycare for the past 2 months, but they have had numerous colds, ear infections, you name it. Their pediatrician suggested they might be better off with a nanny. And so here we are. They love the daycare, but the health of the boys comes first, of course.

Keep on praying! I think I would really fit in well with them, and of course I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE having babies in my life every day! :)


Tuesday, October 13, 2009


Dear Ones:

Do you remember this precious baby girl? She is the first baby to be cared for at Morning Star Baby Home in Beijing, China. Now there are FIVE babies, and many more to come! BUT.....


God has given them a place to house these babies, and it is in the process of being built! But, I digress. Corrie still has a piece of my heart!!!! Anyhow....some wonderful folks who have had the privilege of actually cuddling some of these little ones, and getting to know Bill and Lynsay, and their girls (they are the folks who stepped out in faith and began this ministry)...well, having seen the need in person, they are throwing a "baby shower for Morning Star! PLEASE consider donating. These babies are the most fragile of the frail. Babies that orphanages have begged them to take, knowing that if they did not, these precious little ones, the heart of God, would not survive! You can go to the link for Morning Star on my side bar, and donate. Please help. Please be a blessing! Please think of ways you , and possibly your whole family, could continue to support this precious ministry, and these little ones. The baby shower is going on now...the ministry hopefully will go on for years and years, until Jesus comes, or every one of the 147 million orphans have homes and families of their own! Morning Star needs your ongoing help as well, if you feel so led! God bless you for prayerfully considering this! If we all do our seemingly small part, God will do BIG, BIG, BIG things, I just know it!


Friday, October 2, 2009

Quick update

On the Nanny job front...I have exchanged several very encouraging emails with Christine, the twin baby boys' mom. She herself is an older mother, and really likes that I am mature, and my outlook on things. I went back and read the original job posting, and the one thing I somehow missed is that they do not want someone who must bring their own child to the job. HOWEVER, I did mention, not even having a CLUE that this was in there, about maybe having to bring Shao if there was a school closure, etc. And she didn't seem fazed by that in her subsequent emails, even though she had said no. I imagine she meant someone bringing their own SMALL child with them every day.

So PLEASE pray for me, on this one. I am SOOOO afraid that my weight will become an issue. But I AM in the midst of changing a lot of my eating habits, and I do hope to lose some more weight (I lost 40 about 18 mos. ago), AND when I was home with Shao, running around after her, I lost alot of weight, too! :) I have not mentioned this factor to Christine, as I think it should NOT be one, but you never know. I am so very used to discrimination on this is very hurtful, and after an entire life of it, you'd think I'd be enured to it, but NOT so much. SOOO...pray that if this is what the Lord wants, it will work out. And if not, that He will very firmly close the door!

Thanks for your prayers!


Thursday, October 1, 2009

Bad blogger, BAD girl!

Oh my, I am a VERY bad blogger. For some reason, the last few weeks have felt like a merry-go-round that I REALLY wanted to get off, but couldn't. So I think I had better catch up in bullet points! Here goes!

Baby...Didn't come. Her mama got custody back, and moved back in with baby and Grandma. Eventually mama will have to find a job, so it may happen at some point. I am sad. I finally took the car seat OUT of my car the other day. I was in denial.

Shao...doing great in school. Auditioned for the Nutcracker Ballet last Saturday. We should hear within a week from now. Went to her first and last Youth Group meeting last night. She was MISERABLE. According to my social, loving, friendly one talked to her, which she said was just as well, since most of the casual conversations she overheard were very liberally sprinkled with profanity. She is SOOO not into that. Her friends from school all know this, and do NOT swear when with her, although according to her, they do it plenty when she is not around, or if they are in large group of kids. She said besides the profanity, the actual topics of conversation were "not appropriate" and "not what I care to hear." more youth group at our church. However, there is a church in the next town that has a Wed. night service, and a special group for girls. We are going to try that and see how it goes. Plus, I can go to the adult service, which will be nice!

Me...through some pretty miraculous happenings, I am now seeing a chiropractor and getting myself "fixed." Believe me, I need it! I have LOTS of joint issues, and am in constant, unrelentless pain SOMEWHERE in my body at all times. I had a back molar pulled, which took over two weeks to really resolve, thus I was in a lot of discomfort from that. I think that was a big part of my feeling overwhelmed the last few weeks...I just did NOT feel well.

Job...same old, same old. I applied for a nanny position which I hope to actually interview for soon. It is a 50 hour a week position, so if it works out, I might actually MAKE it financially. They will pay about what I make now an hour, but it's 20 hours more per week, or more! It is for TWIN baby boys! Meanwhile, I am enjoying the runs I was assigned this year. I have a mid-day run with three 3 year olds, who are a hoot. I love 'em! But I am annoyed as all get out at the office people. They asked me to make curtains for the office and employee break room. I did, brought them in when both happened to be out of the office, hung them...a week ago...and neither one of them has said a WORD to me about them. I am miffed, to say the least. They came out really cute...the print is "back to school" stuff, with little kids, and crayons, and school buses, and bright primary colors. I am happy with them. Supposedly they were going to pay me for making them, but since they haven't even MENTIONED them, who knows? Did I mention that I am miffed? That's putting it mildly, at this point.

I am having a BLAST doing digital scrapbooking!!!!!!!!! It really is fun! AND I went insane and bought myself a new printer/scanner/copier! It was only $39, and I have begun the arduous task of scanning in my MILLIONS of photos, mostly of my girl since day one. But when they're all done, OH, the layouts I will be able to do! :)

My sister has to move out of her house by the first week of December. It is in foreclosure, and she tried with all her might to work things out with the bank, but they were not very helpful. She even applied for the plan that Obama put in place, to no avail. She has lived there 20 years, and now will lose her home. Very sad. And nervewracking...where will she GO? Plus she has 3 cats and a dog, her son and grandson living with her. And 20 years worth of accumulation. Oh, dear.

Can't think of much else that is truly new. I will try to be a more responsible blogger in the future! For now, I must go to work...the school bus is calling my name! :)