Friday, January 30, 2009

What I want!

You know, life's a funny thing. I am sitting here, longing to be somewhere else. Where, you might ask? Well...holding babies. I wish I were at the hospital, holding babies. MY babies, to be exact...well, my great-nieces, to be MORE exact. And I wonder just WHY I feel so strongly about this. And why I am jealous of everyone else who gets to hold them!!

But I THINK it's because I am not sure I will ever HAVE grandkids. Shao isn't inclined, exactly, to bless me with any (not that she's anywhere NEAR old enough to do so!) But she loves babies, just not sure she wants to give birth. Guess I let her see too many "Birth Day" episodus, huh? And she is only 12. She is young. And I? Well...I am old. Okay, so I am VERY old. But I certainly am older than the average 12 year old's mother! I think I wonder if I will be too senile, or too feeble to enjoy any grandbabies, by the time she may have any!

And then there's the fact that niece Jen, mama to aforesaid babies, was very special to me when SHE was a baby. I took her everywhere with me, to parties (mind you, I was a Christian when she was born, so they were "nice" parties!), to church, to friend's homes, to concerts. You name it, Jenny was with me whenever I could manage it. The day she was born, I went to a sidewalk sale and bought her FIFTEEN dresses, in all different sizes. I mean, they were a couple of bucks each, and from a high-end department store, so it was irresistible!

When Jen was two weeks old, our whole family went to Block Island for two weeks. I opted every day to stay home with her, gaining valuable solo baby time. You need to know just how much of a fish I am, and just how much I ADORE the water, especially on Block Island, to understand just how HUGE staying home from the beach was!

And now we have new babies. And somehow, I feel a little bit shuffled off to the side. Which is probably just MY perception, anyways. BUT...not only is our side of the family big, and baby-loving, but suddenly there is a whole OTHER side that's just as big, and so needs just as much baby time with the munchkins. And I resent it! Now isn't that silly?!? I KNOW it is...but it is, for the moment, the way I feel. I am sure I will get over it. But just now, I want to be the indispensable auntie, and I need to step back. To let the actual gramma (my sister), not to mention Paul's (daddy) mom revel in their new grandbabies. Maybe it is because they are twins, which is pretty special, if you ask me? I don't know. I will just have to work through it. I am sure it will all be fine. But, oh...I wish I were holding babies right now!


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